Is there a hole in your bucket? Do you sometimes feel that no matter what you fill your life with, you’re never quite… happy… satisfied… content?
Psychologists generally agree that the most important factor in happiness (after food and shelter and all that malarkey) is having positive relationships. We seem to instinctively know this and therefore naturally strive to be a part of something: a social group, a romantic partnership.
But do you sometimes find yourself in situations where you feel you ought to pretend to be something in order to “fit in” with those around you, for them to like and accept you? Do you feel inclined to behave a certain way that doesn’t quite sit with you, wear a style of clothing you don’t particularly want to wear, or even live your life by rules that you don’t quite agree with, in order to be accepted into a certain social group or in order to attract or keep a romantic partner?
You most likely came across negative group pressure from a very early age. A child is picked on for being different and the other children feel they must join in the bullying in order to fit in. Maybe the bullied child was you or maybe you were a bully or maybe you just stood by and watched it happen knowing it was wrong but not wishing to be ostracised. When you were older perhaps you were persuaded to smoke, have sex or skive off school because the other kids were doing it.
As an adult perhaps you feel obligated to fit into a stereotype or role. Isn’t it time you bought a house of your own? Shouldn’t you be a manager at work by now? When are you going to get married and have children? Doesn’t someone who lives in a house like yours usually own a 4x4? UGG boots/camel coats/trilby hats are what everyone is wearing now, you need to go shopping… Probably nobody has said any of this to you outright but when you look around and this is what “everyone” in your peer group is doing, surely you’re expected to do the same. Right? ... Right? No! Of course it’s not right. (I know you knew this.)
If you find yourself comparing your life to that of others, and we all do it a bit sometimes, stop it! Stop worrying about what you think you should be doing. What someone else is doing isn’t necessarily right for you. Heck, it may not even be right for them! Of course it’s natural to want to fit in and be accepted because it makes us feel happy but only when we’re being accepted for who we really are. Those quality people who truly care about us are not worrying about what car we’re driving or whether it’s time we got a promotion but ONLY about our wellbeing. They want to spend time with us because they like us, not some pseudo personality we’ve adopted to fit in. If people want to be with you for artificial reasons that’s not real friendship and cannot be counted as a positive relationship; you can bet your boots if you found yourself in hospital they wouldn’t be waiting at the ward door at five-to-visiting time with a bottle of Lucozade.
In order to attract positive relationships we must be true to ourselves. Take some time to think about what things are important to YOU and take small steps to draw them into your life. If you think it’s not “the norm” so what? So you like trainspotting/taxidermy/going to raves in neon lycra – then get on with it! When you scratch the surface of some of the people you think you know, I guarantee you’ll find a bit of a weirdo underneath their “normal” veneer. Someone who doesn’t fit the mould; isn’t the same as everyone else, in spite of what they might have you believe. And that’s because we are all the same in that we are all individual.
I used to know a girl called Diane Bowers who had a saying, “You’re weird if you’re not a bit weird.” Isn’t that a great saying? Eight words that speak volumes. One of my interpretations is that she finds you strange if she is unable to properly connect with you because you’re covering up your true self; the things that may be a bit different, that make you YOU.
So if, like psychologists say, the most important factor in happiness is having positive relationships and if, like Diane says, it’s impossible to properly connect with someone who is hiding their true self, then doesn’t it follow that the only way you’ll ever be truly happy is to be your true self? I think it does, ya weirdo. ;o)
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Saturday, 1 January 2011
Morgan and coke
Continuing my theme of reiterating amusing conversations, I'd like to share with you one which highlights some obvious but surprisingly frequent boy-meets-girl-in-a-club faux-pas.
On a lively dance floor, 2am, New Year's Day, a decent-looking but over-zealous bloke started dancing with me.
Bloke: Was that your boyfriend?
Me: Huh? No.
Bloke: Is your boyfriend here?
Me: [continuing to dance] No, I don't have a boyfriend.
Bloke: What's your name?
Me: Cherry.
Bloke: [feigning a swoon] Whoa, sexy. I also have a sexy name.
Me: [feigning belief] Really?
Bloke: Yes, it's Morgan.
Me: Ohhh, nice, hello Morgan.
Morgan: So, how old are you?
Me: I'm sorry?
Morgan: How old are you? What, 19, 20..?
Me: Are you serious? Why are you asking me that?
Morgan: Beautiful: tick! Single: tick! Just wondering how old you are...
Me: How old are YOU?
Morgan: How old do you think I am?
Me: [peering through the disco lights] I don't know... 26?
Morgan: So, how old are you?
Me: How old are YOU?
Morgan: Errr, yeah, 26.
Me: [narrowing eyes suspiciously] Riiiight... Where are your friends?
Morgan: [scanning the room] Errm... Where are yours?
Me: [shrugging] Scattered.
Morgan: Yeah, mine are scattered.
After less than another 10 seconds, and before I could calculate what was happening, Morgan's arms were around my neck and his tongue was trying to get into my mouth. I struggled free whilst attempting to remain courteous.
Me: [re-organising my hair] Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.
Morgan: [nodding and looking disappointed like he knew he'd fucked up] OK.
Good grief, am I old fashioned? He didn't even offer to buy me a drink! Obviously I didn't return.
On a lively dance floor, 2am, New Year's Day, a decent-looking but over-zealous bloke started dancing with me.
Bloke: Was that your boyfriend?
Me: Huh? No.
Bloke: Is your boyfriend here?
Me: [continuing to dance] No, I don't have a boyfriend.
Bloke: What's your name?
Me: Cherry.
Bloke: [feigning a swoon] Whoa, sexy. I also have a sexy name.
Me: [feigning belief] Really?
Bloke: Yes, it's Morgan.
Me: Ohhh, nice, hello Morgan.
Morgan: So, how old are you?
Me: I'm sorry?
Morgan: How old are you? What, 19, 20..?
Me: Are you serious? Why are you asking me that?
Morgan: Beautiful: tick! Single: tick! Just wondering how old you are...
Me: How old are YOU?
Morgan: How old do you think I am?
Me: [peering through the disco lights] I don't know... 26?
Morgan: So, how old are you?
Me: How old are YOU?
Morgan: Errr, yeah, 26.
Me: [narrowing eyes suspiciously] Riiiight... Where are your friends?
Morgan: [scanning the room] Errm... Where are yours?
Me: [shrugging] Scattered.
Morgan: Yeah, mine are scattered.
After less than another 10 seconds, and before I could calculate what was happening, Morgan's arms were around my neck and his tongue was trying to get into my mouth. I struggled free whilst attempting to remain courteous.
Me: [re-organising my hair] Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.
Morgan: [nodding and looking disappointed like he knew he'd fucked up] OK.
Good grief, am I old fashioned? He didn't even offer to buy me a drink! Obviously I didn't return.
Friday, 31 December 2010
The Pilgrim's Progress
A couple of recent conversations I had with my mom while staying with my parents over the Christmas break.
(Names have been changed.)
Christmas presents convo with mom
M: You know our friends Bob and Saffron? They don't buy their kids Christmas presents, you know.
L: Oh really? That's unusual.
M: I think it's tight.
L: Well, maybe. Perhaps they've got a reason. Perhaps they don't see the value in wasting money on gifts for the sake of it. Maybe they put more value on spending time with them. I do. I value spending time with my loved ones more than gifts.
M: Hmm. They're not very... Um...
L: Materialistic.
M: Yes, they don't have much.
L: Well, you don't need much to be happy. As long as you've a roof over your head and you're not hungry, everything else is just "stuff".
M: No, I think they're just tight. They'd rather not buy things for their own kids and save their money for the pub.
L: Is that such a bad thing? There's evidence to show that experiences and spending time with your friends and community make you happier than "stuff". They're not just spending money on booze...
M: No, Bob won't drink at home.
L: So they're spending their money on socialising with their friends in the pub, an experience that makes them happy. Better that than buying their daughter a jumper she'll probably never wear, wouldn't you say?
M: No, but don't they want to see her face light up when she opens something?
L: She may not have been brought up to value "stuff", mom. Look at our Edward - he's as happy playing with the box as he is with the present inside it. It's only us and society that will teach him in the next few years to put more value on a £300 X-Box. That doesn't mean you can get away with not buying me anything next year, by the way. You've brought me up for 30-odd years to value "stuff".
M: I'm gonna give you a box.
L: Don't you dare.
***
Gay convo with mom
M: Why does Angela's gay daughter have to wear football shirts, trainers and jeans, and cut her hair short? She looks disgusting.
L: You've just described nearly every man in Yorkshire.
M: Yes but she's a woman.
L: Oh, mom, I don't know where to start.... People are different. It's not to do with her being gay. You can't say all straight men are the same - look at the difference between the dad from The Royle Family and, say, David Beckham. Maybe that's just how she's comfortable.
M: Well, she wasn't like that before she was gay.
L: Maybe before she came out she felt she had to fit into a female stereotype but now she feels she can be herself.
M: Christine's gay daughter is pretty though. Looks lovely. And she's really bright and bubbly. Not like this one. Nobody likes her you know. Only her girlfriend. She's obnoxious.
L: Maybe she no longer feels she has to try to please everyone. Maybe wearing football shirts and being obnoxious is who she really is.
M: Well I don't know, I'm just saying.
[Pause....] But what I don't understand is why gay men who always dress themselves nice have to put on that gay voice.
L: Not all of them do.
M: Yes but most do. Why do they do that?
L: I don't know. Maybe they're not putting it on, maybe that's how men are supposed to talk but society tells them they have to sound manly and butch.
M: Well they could just talk normal.
L: Maybe that *is* normal to them. Just like Chinese people sound very different to us just because of how they've been taught, it doesn't mean either way is wrong.
M: Well maybe you're wrong, have you thought of that?
L: I'm just trying to give you a different perspective. I'm trying to explain that just because we're used to something being one way it doesn't make it right or better. I'm going for a bath, OK?
M: Alright, don't be long, I want one.
L: Alright. Dad, I'm going up for a bath, alright?
D: [Taking his boots off after returning from collecting his winnings from the bookies] Alright, kid.
(Names have been changed.)
Christmas presents convo with mom
M: You know our friends Bob and Saffron? They don't buy their kids Christmas presents, you know.
L: Oh really? That's unusual.
M: I think it's tight.
L: Well, maybe. Perhaps they've got a reason. Perhaps they don't see the value in wasting money on gifts for the sake of it. Maybe they put more value on spending time with them. I do. I value spending time with my loved ones more than gifts.
M: Hmm. They're not very... Um...
L: Materialistic.
M: Yes, they don't have much.
L: Well, you don't need much to be happy. As long as you've a roof over your head and you're not hungry, everything else is just "stuff".
M: No, I think they're just tight. They'd rather not buy things for their own kids and save their money for the pub.
L: Is that such a bad thing? There's evidence to show that experiences and spending time with your friends and community make you happier than "stuff". They're not just spending money on booze...
M: No, Bob won't drink at home.
L: So they're spending their money on socialising with their friends in the pub, an experience that makes them happy. Better that than buying their daughter a jumper she'll probably never wear, wouldn't you say?
M: No, but don't they want to see her face light up when she opens something?
L: She may not have been brought up to value "stuff", mom. Look at our Edward - he's as happy playing with the box as he is with the present inside it. It's only us and society that will teach him in the next few years to put more value on a £300 X-Box. That doesn't mean you can get away with not buying me anything next year, by the way. You've brought me up for 30-odd years to value "stuff".
M: I'm gonna give you a box.
L: Don't you dare.
***
Gay convo with mom
M: Why does Angela's gay daughter have to wear football shirts, trainers and jeans, and cut her hair short? She looks disgusting.
L: You've just described nearly every man in Yorkshire.
M: Yes but she's a woman.
L: Oh, mom, I don't know where to start.... People are different. It's not to do with her being gay. You can't say all straight men are the same - look at the difference between the dad from The Royle Family and, say, David Beckham. Maybe that's just how she's comfortable.
M: Well, she wasn't like that before she was gay.
L: Maybe before she came out she felt she had to fit into a female stereotype but now she feels she can be herself.
M: Christine's gay daughter is pretty though. Looks lovely. And she's really bright and bubbly. Not like this one. Nobody likes her you know. Only her girlfriend. She's obnoxious.
L: Maybe she no longer feels she has to try to please everyone. Maybe wearing football shirts and being obnoxious is who she really is.
M: Well I don't know, I'm just saying.
[Pause....] But what I don't understand is why gay men who always dress themselves nice have to put on that gay voice.
L: Not all of them do.
M: Yes but most do. Why do they do that?
L: I don't know. Maybe they're not putting it on, maybe that's how men are supposed to talk but society tells them they have to sound manly and butch.
M: Well they could just talk normal.
L: Maybe that *is* normal to them. Just like Chinese people sound very different to us just because of how they've been taught, it doesn't mean either way is wrong.
M: Well maybe you're wrong, have you thought of that?
L: I'm just trying to give you a different perspective. I'm trying to explain that just because we're used to something being one way it doesn't make it right or better. I'm going for a bath, OK?
M: Alright, don't be long, I want one.
L: Alright. Dad, I'm going up for a bath, alright?
D: [Taking his boots off after returning from collecting his winnings from the bookies] Alright, kid.
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Fizz Bucks
An article in the Metro recently stated that, in a blind taste test, 80% of participants couldn't tell the difference between a supermarket's £6 bottle of Cava Brut and the big name Champagnes at upward of £30. I mentioned this on Facebook stating it as further proof of my "emperor's new clothes" theory regarding Champagne - my mother has always insisted it’s overrated and I agree - and received a surprising amount of feedback from friends with several saying that one of the leading big name Champagnes is, and I quote, "shit". Apparently every year it's supermarkets' own brands that come out top in taste tests. Why, then, do people shell out considerably more money for an equal or inferior product?
Take bottled water for example. I get irritated by restaurant waiting staff who ask if I'd like sparkling or still water. Obviously, it's a trick question designed to get us to fork out upwards of a fiver for bottled water. I ask for tap water. Tap water is perfectly potable and tastes fine in the UK and I refuse to allow restaurant staff to make me feel cheap to boost their profits when I'm already in their restaurant paying for food, wine and service.
It makes me wonder: Why are we so easily influenced to spend silly money when something much less expensive – or in the case of water, free! - would be just as good if not even better?
Here's a question for you: If I was holding a Champagne party at my house and I asked you to bring a bottle, how long would you spend choosing it and how much would you spend?
Here's a slightly different question: If I was holding a Champagne party at my house and I asked you to bring a bottle and I categorically instructed all of my guests IN ADVANCE to remove all labels from the Champagne, bring it in a brown paper bag, pool the bottles together on the kitchen worktop upon arrival, and stated that guests are forbidden to discuss which drink they brought, how long would you take choosing it and how much would you spend?
Did your answers differ? Does this help us to understand our reasons for buying branded products? Feedback and comments invited. :o)
Take bottled water for example. I get irritated by restaurant waiting staff who ask if I'd like sparkling or still water. Obviously, it's a trick question designed to get us to fork out upwards of a fiver for bottled water. I ask for tap water. Tap water is perfectly potable and tastes fine in the UK and I refuse to allow restaurant staff to make me feel cheap to boost their profits when I'm already in their restaurant paying for food, wine and service.
It makes me wonder: Why are we so easily influenced to spend silly money when something much less expensive – or in the case of water, free! - would be just as good if not even better?
Here's a question for you: If I was holding a Champagne party at my house and I asked you to bring a bottle, how long would you spend choosing it and how much would you spend?
Here's a slightly different question: If I was holding a Champagne party at my house and I asked you to bring a bottle and I categorically instructed all of my guests IN ADVANCE to remove all labels from the Champagne, bring it in a brown paper bag, pool the bottles together on the kitchen worktop upon arrival, and stated that guests are forbidden to discuss which drink they brought, how long would you take choosing it and how much would you spend?
Did your answers differ? Does this help us to understand our reasons for buying branded products? Feedback and comments invited. :o)
Monday, 29 November 2010
Every day, Nirvana
My 3G connection failed - as it regularly does - on my walk to work this morning, interrupting my joy at listening to a Tubular Bells/Christina Aguilera mash-up on YouTube. Unenthused with most of the music on my iPhone at the moment, I put on a meditation recording.
Instantly I was whisked away from the cold, the traffic and my fellow commuters, and the soothing voice took me up and away to a higher place where I started to feel untouchable. I felt surprisingly relaxed very quickly and was beginning to feel connected when suddenly the voice was cut off and my phone started ringing into my earphones. Urgh. It was the estate office where I live so I figured it could be important - was my flat flooded or on fire? Reluctantly I answered it. When am I going to pick up the parcel that was delivered last week? So, not even slightly important. How irritating to have been grabbed from my path to Nirvana and thrust onto the concrete plaza in front of Canary Wharf station.
Not that the estate office shouldn't have made the call, they're just trying to clear some space for the inevitable rush of Christmas deliveries. But the point of the today's rambling is that this just made me realise how much I need to be away from what is increasingly appearing to me to be pointless, banal crap.
It's not that my life is stressful, oh no, far from it. I've got it pretty easy at the moment, things are going well for me, I have nothing whatsoever to complain about. It's just that I feel the urge, the need, to be in a higher place. I'm starting to see a lot of stuff that goes on around me as truly worthless. Not that I'm coming from a negative place; I'm certainly not seeing things from a depressive perspective, and I don't feel at all jaded. Just a lot of things I once took as red and never questioned seem so superficial to me now.
Seven years ago before I moved to London I stared at the ceiling above my bed and said out loud to myself, "There has got to be more to life than this." And I found that there was. I removed myself from the Northern town I lived in and discovered the exciting metropolis that is London. I've travelled and partied, met some incredible people and done and seen things I'd never imagined I would or could. And I'm still discovering and learning and it's still exciting and I do still love it, I really do. But in parallel to that I find half of me in a similar headspace to seven years ago, only a step up, if you like.
I need to connect with our life force and I need to be around people who understand this. I don't mean I want a weekend at Centerparcs, I mean I need to get right back to basics, to the very root of what we're made of. I want to be creative and feel I must listen to the voice inside but, I'm struggling to hear what it's saying. But I do know it's speaking.
I'm going to a meditation workshop next week presented by one of the practitioners who introduced me to reiki. I'll use this to help me decide whether I will take the opportunity early next year to cut myself off from the outside world and spend ten days at a meditation centre. I want a piece of Nirvana and I want to be able to access it every day. Only then, I feel, will I be able to hear what my inner voice is telling me.
Instantly I was whisked away from the cold, the traffic and my fellow commuters, and the soothing voice took me up and away to a higher place where I started to feel untouchable. I felt surprisingly relaxed very quickly and was beginning to feel connected when suddenly the voice was cut off and my phone started ringing into my earphones. Urgh. It was the estate office where I live so I figured it could be important - was my flat flooded or on fire? Reluctantly I answered it. When am I going to pick up the parcel that was delivered last week? So, not even slightly important. How irritating to have been grabbed from my path to Nirvana and thrust onto the concrete plaza in front of Canary Wharf station.
Not that the estate office shouldn't have made the call, they're just trying to clear some space for the inevitable rush of Christmas deliveries. But the point of the today's rambling is that this just made me realise how much I need to be away from what is increasingly appearing to me to be pointless, banal crap.
It's not that my life is stressful, oh no, far from it. I've got it pretty easy at the moment, things are going well for me, I have nothing whatsoever to complain about. It's just that I feel the urge, the need, to be in a higher place. I'm starting to see a lot of stuff that goes on around me as truly worthless. Not that I'm coming from a negative place; I'm certainly not seeing things from a depressive perspective, and I don't feel at all jaded. Just a lot of things I once took as red and never questioned seem so superficial to me now.
Seven years ago before I moved to London I stared at the ceiling above my bed and said out loud to myself, "There has got to be more to life than this." And I found that there was. I removed myself from the Northern town I lived in and discovered the exciting metropolis that is London. I've travelled and partied, met some incredible people and done and seen things I'd never imagined I would or could. And I'm still discovering and learning and it's still exciting and I do still love it, I really do. But in parallel to that I find half of me in a similar headspace to seven years ago, only a step up, if you like.
I need to connect with our life force and I need to be around people who understand this. I don't mean I want a weekend at Centerparcs, I mean I need to get right back to basics, to the very root of what we're made of. I want to be creative and feel I must listen to the voice inside but, I'm struggling to hear what it's saying. But I do know it's speaking.
I'm going to a meditation workshop next week presented by one of the practitioners who introduced me to reiki. I'll use this to help me decide whether I will take the opportunity early next year to cut myself off from the outside world and spend ten days at a meditation centre. I want a piece of Nirvana and I want to be able to access it every day. Only then, I feel, will I be able to hear what my inner voice is telling me.
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Can't get no sleep?*
Got a hamster wheel in your head?
Tossing and turning and fidgeting?
Try my strategy for a quick trip to dreamland...
Get up.
Open a window and pull back your bed sheets to cool down your bed.
Fluff your pillow and turn it over.
Have a drink of water.
Go to the loo.
Wash your hands and feet and apply moisturiser.
Shut the window and go back to bed.
Tense up all the muscles in your body one by one and release them.
Envisage drawing a chalk outline on the floor around your body starting and finishing with your head.
I hope it works for you.
*Please don't point out the double-negative in the title; you should know me well enough to realise I'm painfully aware of it. ;o)
Tossing and turning and fidgeting?
Try my strategy for a quick trip to dreamland...
Get up.
Open a window and pull back your bed sheets to cool down your bed.
Fluff your pillow and turn it over.
Have a drink of water.
Go to the loo.
Wash your hands and feet and apply moisturiser.
Shut the window and go back to bed.
Tense up all the muscles in your body one by one and release them.
Envisage drawing a chalk outline on the floor around your body starting and finishing with your head.
I hope it works for you.
*Please don't point out the double-negative in the title; you should know me well enough to realise I'm painfully aware of it. ;o)
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Eternal sunshine
Well, that's it; it's over. Summer has well and truly delivered us her Dear John letter. (Don't worry, she'll be back in a few months' time, she's fickle like that.) Clocks have gone back and we go everywhere in the dark. No more festivals, barbecues or going to the pub without your big coat on: boohoo: rubbish.
It's no wonder so many suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I don't know about you but the thought of going out in the dark and miserable weather is more than enough to make me want to hibernate in the duvet and eat mashed potato sandwiches. But although slowing the pace a bit for the winter months is inevitable, unless we have the luxury of b*ggering off to warmer climates for a few months (I don't) we have to grin and bear the sh*tty weather and the dark nights and just get on with it.
So it got me to wondering: what tangible things can we do to ease the transition from Summer into Autumn and Winter?
BRONZE
My friend Susan has a great suggestion: fake tan! You may laugh but when you're feeling a bit fat and miserable from too many evenings tucked up in your duvet scoffing comfort food, seeing what you were born with, in mahogany, is quite a pick-me-up. You'll look slimmer and healthier - yay to that! They do special ones for men now as well, probably the same stuff with less perfume and a really hard name, and sold in penis-shaped bottles.
WEAR
Make some wardrobe space by packing away your Summer clothes (I put mine in a case under the bed), and dig out your winter clothes. Sort them into outfits with bags, scarves and other accessories, and getting ready to go out into the cold will seem a bit less of a chore - exciting even! Or maybe that's just me. Well, you can try it. I'm not making any promises here.
SUN
There's not as much opportunity to get sunshine which, as you know makes us happy, so do your absolute best to go outside at lunchtime, for at least 10 minutes. It will not work through your balaclava so you'll have to take it off.
LAUGH
Keep your pecker up by watching comedy TV or reading funny books. Stay away from anything depressing. Like the news. If anything big happens someone will tell you, I guarantee it.
COOK
Over the Summer I always find myself either eating out, or chucking a few salad ingredient together for dinner, and so by the time Autumn comes around I've forgotten how to cook and am horrified at the thought of spending more than 10 minutes in the kitchen. Very tempting to order in junk food or chuck a pizza in the oven, but this cr*ppy food will make us feel worse so pull out your recipe books and re-discover some comforting but healthy winter recipes. Do not be tempted to replace the Summer salads with white carbs - you will be sorry! The free Asda magazine always has some ace recipes that are proper easy and don't contain ingredients you can never find like figs, lemongrass and rocking horse sh*t.
SOCIALISE
While we're on the subject of cooking, as you'll be spending less time in the beer garden, invite your friends over and cook for them. A great excuse to drink red wine. Someone told me recently they did their own version of "Come dine with me" with a bunch of friends. You'll probably get very p*ssed. You may even win a prize. Or get food poisoning. Bl**dy brilliant!
TALK
Alright, there'll be times when you REALLY can't be bothered having people over because it's way too much effort to push the vacuum cleaner round and wear something other than day four pyjamas. On days like this it's more important than ever to connect to stop you getting down, so ring your friends and family. It'll cheer you up a bit, and them. And over the phone they can't smell you or see the piles of washing up.
CHILLAX
Relaxing and getting enough sleep in winter is EASY. Bath, book, bed. Simples.
TURNAROUND
Now this is one I use myself a lot. When I step outside and the wind is blowing and it's drizzling and I realise half way to the bus stop I should have worn different shoes there's a whiny little voice in my head which starts. "I'm freeeeezing!" or "Sh*t my hair, why did I bother?" or "F*ck these f*cking shoes." But then I stop the voice before it continues and turn the message around to something a bit more positive like, "Ah, the boss will probably not realise I'm late." or "Hmm, which flavour coffee shall I have this morning?" or "I actually look really hot in these shoes." It helps to stop a negative downward spiral of thoughts, changes your perspective and plants positive messages which affect mood. It's all good.
EXERCISE (You hoped I'd forgotten, didn't you?)
Oh, I caaaaaan't, I'm tiiiiiired, it's coooooold, I just want to go hooooome. I know. I do, I know. But we still have to do it. I can't tell you what exercise to do, as it's personal to you but you must continue to do it for your well-being. That boost of happy-chemicals makes everything else seem so... pleasant. Force yourself, you'll be glad of it. I schedule my exercise into my paper diary in Sharpie marker so I can't scrub it out. Or if I do you can still sort of see it. Especially if I draw a box around it and block it in. It's really obvious.
So those are my tips for getting us over the Winter months. If you can think of any more feel free to post them up and we can share them with everyone. And we can all skip to work in the sunshine in our heads!!!
It's no wonder so many suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I don't know about you but the thought of going out in the dark and miserable weather is more than enough to make me want to hibernate in the duvet and eat mashed potato sandwiches. But although slowing the pace a bit for the winter months is inevitable, unless we have the luxury of b*ggering off to warmer climates for a few months (I don't) we have to grin and bear the sh*tty weather and the dark nights and just get on with it.
So it got me to wondering: what tangible things can we do to ease the transition from Summer into Autumn and Winter?
BRONZE
My friend Susan has a great suggestion: fake tan! You may laugh but when you're feeling a bit fat and miserable from too many evenings tucked up in your duvet scoffing comfort food, seeing what you were born with, in mahogany, is quite a pick-me-up. You'll look slimmer and healthier - yay to that! They do special ones for men now as well, probably the same stuff with less perfume and a really hard name, and sold in penis-shaped bottles.
WEAR
Make some wardrobe space by packing away your Summer clothes (I put mine in a case under the bed), and dig out your winter clothes. Sort them into outfits with bags, scarves and other accessories, and getting ready to go out into the cold will seem a bit less of a chore - exciting even! Or maybe that's just me. Well, you can try it. I'm not making any promises here.
SUN
There's not as much opportunity to get sunshine which, as you know makes us happy, so do your absolute best to go outside at lunchtime, for at least 10 minutes. It will not work through your balaclava so you'll have to take it off.
LAUGH
Keep your pecker up by watching comedy TV or reading funny books. Stay away from anything depressing. Like the news. If anything big happens someone will tell you, I guarantee it.
COOK
Over the Summer I always find myself either eating out, or chucking a few salad ingredient together for dinner, and so by the time Autumn comes around I've forgotten how to cook and am horrified at the thought of spending more than 10 minutes in the kitchen. Very tempting to order in junk food or chuck a pizza in the oven, but this cr*ppy food will make us feel worse so pull out your recipe books and re-discover some comforting but healthy winter recipes. Do not be tempted to replace the Summer salads with white carbs - you will be sorry! The free Asda magazine always has some ace recipes that are proper easy and don't contain ingredients you can never find like figs, lemongrass and rocking horse sh*t.
SOCIALISE
While we're on the subject of cooking, as you'll be spending less time in the beer garden, invite your friends over and cook for them. A great excuse to drink red wine. Someone told me recently they did their own version of "Come dine with me" with a bunch of friends. You'll probably get very p*ssed. You may even win a prize. Or get food poisoning. Bl**dy brilliant!
TALK
Alright, there'll be times when you REALLY can't be bothered having people over because it's way too much effort to push the vacuum cleaner round and wear something other than day four pyjamas. On days like this it's more important than ever to connect to stop you getting down, so ring your friends and family. It'll cheer you up a bit, and them. And over the phone they can't smell you or see the piles of washing up.
CHILLAX
Relaxing and getting enough sleep in winter is EASY. Bath, book, bed. Simples.
TURNAROUND
Now this is one I use myself a lot. When I step outside and the wind is blowing and it's drizzling and I realise half way to the bus stop I should have worn different shoes there's a whiny little voice in my head which starts. "I'm freeeeezing!" or "Sh*t my hair, why did I bother?" or "F*ck these f*cking shoes." But then I stop the voice before it continues and turn the message around to something a bit more positive like, "Ah, the boss will probably not realise I'm late." or "Hmm, which flavour coffee shall I have this morning?" or "I actually look really hot in these shoes." It helps to stop a negative downward spiral of thoughts, changes your perspective and plants positive messages which affect mood. It's all good.
EXERCISE (You hoped I'd forgotten, didn't you?)
Oh, I caaaaaan't, I'm tiiiiiired, it's coooooold, I just want to go hooooome. I know. I do, I know. But we still have to do it. I can't tell you what exercise to do, as it's personal to you but you must continue to do it for your well-being. That boost of happy-chemicals makes everything else seem so... pleasant. Force yourself, you'll be glad of it. I schedule my exercise into my paper diary in Sharpie marker so I can't scrub it out. Or if I do you can still sort of see it. Especially if I draw a box around it and block it in. It's really obvious.
So those are my tips for getting us over the Winter months. If you can think of any more feel free to post them up and we can share them with everyone. And we can all skip to work in the sunshine in our heads!!!
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