Continuing my theme of reiterating amusing conversations, I'd like to share with you one which highlights some obvious but surprisingly frequent boy-meets-girl-in-a-club faux-pas.
On a lively dance floor, 2am, New Year's Day, a decent-looking but over-zealous bloke started dancing with me.
Bloke: Was that your boyfriend?
Me: Huh? No.
Bloke: Is your boyfriend here?
Me: [continuing to dance] No, I don't have a boyfriend.
Bloke: What's your name?
Me: Cherry.
Bloke: [feigning a swoon] Whoa, sexy. I also have a sexy name.
Me: [feigning belief] Really?
Bloke: Yes, it's Morgan.
Me: Ohhh, nice, hello Morgan.
Morgan: So, how old are you?
Me: I'm sorry?
Morgan: How old are you? What, 19, 20..?
Me: Are you serious? Why are you asking me that?
Morgan: Beautiful: tick! Single: tick! Just wondering how old you are...
Me: How old are YOU?
Morgan: How old do you think I am?
Me: [peering through the disco lights] I don't know... 26?
Morgan: So, how old are you?
Me: How old are YOU?
Morgan: Errr, yeah, 26.
Me: [narrowing eyes suspiciously] Riiiight... Where are your friends?
Morgan: [scanning the room] Errm... Where are yours?
Me: [shrugging] Scattered.
Morgan: Yeah, mine are scattered.
After less than another 10 seconds, and before I could calculate what was happening, Morgan's arms were around my neck and his tongue was trying to get into my mouth. I struggled free whilst attempting to remain courteous.
Me: [re-organising my hair] Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.
Morgan: [nodding and looking disappointed like he knew he'd fucked up] OK.
Good grief, am I old fashioned? He didn't even offer to buy me a drink! Obviously I didn't return.
Showing posts with label etiquette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label etiquette. Show all posts
Saturday, 1 January 2011
Friday, 25 June 2010
Back off, buddy: A rule that some women need spelling out
I want to make it clear that this is not related to my relationship, it's just something that I've observed.
OK, so most of us have (or have had at some point in the past) a best or very-close friend of the opposite sex. You hang out together, are eachother's platonic "date" at weddings and dinners when everyone else seems to be in couples, and you snuggle up on the sofa to watch movies. You try out new restaurants/bars together, provide eachother with advice about the opposite sex, and are the comfortable shoulder to cry on and moral support when the other gets dumped. You can and do talk about anything and everything. During lonely periods, you've maybe even toyed with the idea of the two of you as a couple - heaven forbid - but realised you're missing the X-factor to be anything more than great mates.
And then he meets someone special. You're excited for him, prepare him for dates with her, listen as he tells you all about her. You can't wait to meet her - if she's good enough for your best mate, she's got to be wonderful. As time goes on he, understandably, has less time for you and more time for her. And that's exactly how it should be.
But here's where some women get it wrong. It's at this point that you should BACK OFF. He has found someone special to hang out with, to be his date at weddings and dinners, to snuggle up with on the sofa, to try out new restaurants with. He doesn't need relationship advice (unless he asks for it), and you certainly can't go phoning his mobile at midnight when your date from match.com turns out to be a loser.
You can still be his friend but you must respect his new relationship and his new girlfriend. He's a boy and you're a girl; it cannot be the same between you; them's the rules!
If you try to continue things how they were - wanting to hang out with him all the time, being affectionate with him, calling and texting on a daily basis - you're going to seriously annoy his girlfriend and this puts him in a difficult situation; either he risks upsetting you by having to ask you to back off a bit, or his girlfriend has a strop every time you throw your arms around him in public.
So do the decent thing; respect their relationship, and back off. Get on with your life. Everyone knows that relationships can be hard at times and he doesn't need you throwing a spanner in the works and spoiling things for him. And remember that what goes around comes around; when YOU meet someone special, do you want his pretty, flirty, best friend sitting on his knee at parties?
Think about it.
OK, so most of us have (or have had at some point in the past) a best or very-close friend of the opposite sex. You hang out together, are eachother's platonic "date" at weddings and dinners when everyone else seems to be in couples, and you snuggle up on the sofa to watch movies. You try out new restaurants/bars together, provide eachother with advice about the opposite sex, and are the comfortable shoulder to cry on and moral support when the other gets dumped. You can and do talk about anything and everything. During lonely periods, you've maybe even toyed with the idea of the two of you as a couple - heaven forbid - but realised you're missing the X-factor to be anything more than great mates.
And then he meets someone special. You're excited for him, prepare him for dates with her, listen as he tells you all about her. You can't wait to meet her - if she's good enough for your best mate, she's got to be wonderful. As time goes on he, understandably, has less time for you and more time for her. And that's exactly how it should be.
But here's where some women get it wrong. It's at this point that you should BACK OFF. He has found someone special to hang out with, to be his date at weddings and dinners, to snuggle up with on the sofa, to try out new restaurants with. He doesn't need relationship advice (unless he asks for it), and you certainly can't go phoning his mobile at midnight when your date from match.com turns out to be a loser.
You can still be his friend but you must respect his new relationship and his new girlfriend. He's a boy and you're a girl; it cannot be the same between you; them's the rules!
If you try to continue things how they were - wanting to hang out with him all the time, being affectionate with him, calling and texting on a daily basis - you're going to seriously annoy his girlfriend and this puts him in a difficult situation; either he risks upsetting you by having to ask you to back off a bit, or his girlfriend has a strop every time you throw your arms around him in public.
So do the decent thing; respect their relationship, and back off. Get on with your life. Everyone knows that relationships can be hard at times and he doesn't need you throwing a spanner in the works and spoiling things for him. And remember that what goes around comes around; when YOU meet someone special, do you want his pretty, flirty, best friend sitting on his knee at parties?
Think about it.
Don't ask about work!
There are two topics it's commonly acknowledged that you steer clear of in polite company: politics and religion. And for good reason; they can incite heated debate, particularly when fuelled with alcohol, and nobody wants that at their birthday drinks. But I believe there's a third subject we should also exclude at social gatherings, and that's what people do for a living. It never delivers a positive result.
It starts off the usual, safe way, "So how do you know Jeremy?" "We've recently moved in next door, you?" "We were at university together." A bit boring, but harmless. But this is where you have to be very careful because quickly it can lead you down the route of, "So, what do you do?" Oh, how I dread that question. Why do people go there? A potentially interesting and fun conversation shot dead right there on the spot. The very best conclusion to such an exchange is that you both come away with a rough understanding of what the other does for 40-odd hours a week to meet the mortgage payments, and have made a new business contact (yippee, fun party, huh?!)
But, much, much worse, at the opposite end of the spectrum you find yourself desperately fishing in your panicked yet oddly bored brain for a fascinating response to, "I'm an IT Project Manager" or "I work in accounts and studying for my CIMA." And you, the usually articulate and witty creature that you are, the absolute best you can come up with is, "Really? That sounds so interesting, tell me about it." And, oh God, so it begins. That poor bastard who was so looking forward to a night off has to explain his job to someone whom he highly suspects doesn't give a shit, while you scan the room for bowls of crisps and make all the essential polite noises, and the pair of you jointly and silently pray for something, anything (a birthday stripper, a ground tremour, an excitable dog) to come along and end the excrutiating pain.
As a sidenote, if you meet an Office Manager at a party and end up making her talk about her job (shame on you), PLEASE don't ask her to explain in detail what her company does; it's like a Saturday night showing of Endurance watching her try to recite the corporate brochure after three strawberry daiquiris. She MANAGES the OFFICE. It's an office; they're all the damn same to an Office Manager. What else could you possibly need to know?
So my advice is ask if they've seen the latest blockbuster movie, ask them what they like to do at weekends, ask them what they've done today or are doing tomorrow, what was the last gig they went to or CD they bought, find out about their hobbies and interests, what sports they play or watch, their favourite restaurant or food... And watch their faces light up, see how animated they become. And this way there'll be much less tension, there's a good chance you'll find it interesting, and you'll learn something about the REAL them, and they about you.
It starts off the usual, safe way, "So how do you know Jeremy?" "We've recently moved in next door, you?" "We were at university together." A bit boring, but harmless. But this is where you have to be very careful because quickly it can lead you down the route of, "So, what do you do?" Oh, how I dread that question. Why do people go there? A potentially interesting and fun conversation shot dead right there on the spot. The very best conclusion to such an exchange is that you both come away with a rough understanding of what the other does for 40-odd hours a week to meet the mortgage payments, and have made a new business contact (yippee, fun party, huh?!)
But, much, much worse, at the opposite end of the spectrum you find yourself desperately fishing in your panicked yet oddly bored brain for a fascinating response to, "I'm an IT Project Manager" or "I work in accounts and studying for my CIMA." And you, the usually articulate and witty creature that you are, the absolute best you can come up with is, "Really? That sounds so interesting, tell me about it." And, oh God, so it begins. That poor bastard who was so looking forward to a night off has to explain his job to someone whom he highly suspects doesn't give a shit, while you scan the room for bowls of crisps and make all the essential polite noises, and the pair of you jointly and silently pray for something, anything (a birthday stripper, a ground tremour, an excitable dog) to come along and end the excrutiating pain.
As a sidenote, if you meet an Office Manager at a party and end up making her talk about her job (shame on you), PLEASE don't ask her to explain in detail what her company does; it's like a Saturday night showing of Endurance watching her try to recite the corporate brochure after three strawberry daiquiris. She MANAGES the OFFICE. It's an office; they're all the damn same to an Office Manager. What else could you possibly need to know?
So my advice is ask if they've seen the latest blockbuster movie, ask them what they like to do at weekends, ask them what they've done today or are doing tomorrow, what was the last gig they went to or CD they bought, find out about their hobbies and interests, what sports they play or watch, their favourite restaurant or food... And watch their faces light up, see how animated they become. And this way there'll be much less tension, there's a good chance you'll find it interesting, and you'll learn something about the REAL them, and they about you.
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